The New York Post is the Best 'Newspaper' Ever

Ike Turner obituary

Best Sentence of the Day

"Maybe it is the lasting memory of the gay icon Elizabeth Taylor's scandalous affair with Richard Burton during his filming of “Night of the Iguana” in the early 60's, but Puerto Vallarta is becoming gayer by the year . . . " - New York Times, Top 53 Places to Go in 2008

WTF: Brian Wilson

I knew Brian Wilson was batshit crazy, but this reaches a whole new level. This is some post-McCartney "Temporary Secretary" type shit right here.

Brian Wilson - "Smart Girls"

Big brains are awesome dude!

Middle-Aged White Ladies Love Obama

Latest Iowa campaign ad from democratic superstar Barack Obama. Hey look, those oldish white ladies are getting all teary eyed! Aw, that's adorable. What's a 55-year old housewife from Iowa to do when she has to chose between a female candidate and the will of Oprah? Oprah singlehandedly turns books in literary canon people! Vice presidential nod?

Obama's pumping the "not politics as usual message" like it's a pair of '91 Reeboks.

Dee Brown! Siiiiiick!

Come on Obama, don't you know that being the "change"candidate is the oldest trick in the American election books. I'm pretty sure George Washington ran on that platform in 1789 when he ran against the petticoats and wigs platform of King George.

American Apparel Loves Naked Chicks

American Apparel has finally released an ad with a young naked girl in it. Now that their clothing line has come to its dialectical conclusion what's next for the company? I'm going with American Apparel birth control pills.

British People Love Drinking

Apparently employees being hungover and skipping work during the holiday season will cost British firms £790m this year. The clear solution, move the office to the pub! Nothing cures a hangover like a double scotch. Cheers!

Writers Strike

Does scripted reality television still get made when writers go on strike? If not, as opposed to showing repeats they should really just run with this idea of replacing characters with celebrity reenactors. Also, I hope James Franco keeps the wig.

Books go digital

E-Ink is the wave of the future. I'm actually pretty psyched about this. Being able to carry a library on you with less weight than a single book. I can get down with that. Actually being able to read something in an electronic format without it being backlit. I can definitely get down with that. You should get on this shit and let me know how it works for ya so I can pick up version 2.0.

Oblique Strategies

Maybe you should try faking it!

The International Tweexcore Underground

?????

Pimp my credit

Once again the world of advertising has left me speechless. Revise the history books. It's the Credit Pimp's America, we're just visiting.

Brussels

I'm leaving on a 4 1/2 month trip to Brussels on Friday. What does the mean for the quantity and content of the postings? Anyways, you should keep reading Candyvan. Who knows! But if worse comes to worse I'll just post a bunch of pictures of the different outfits of the Manneken Pis.

More things from China that will kill us all

Things from China that will kill us all is a topic that never gets old in my book. Here's a crash test video from the Chinese auto company Chery. Apparently, the company has a deal with Chrysler to important the vehicle shown in the video--A15 (Amulet)--to the American market. The test dummy had to be removed in pieces . . .

Why China won't destory our economy

There's been a lot of bickering going on back and forth lately regarding the prospect of China unleashing a "nuclear option" in response to American efforts to force China to revalue its currently undervalued currency. China's threat involves selling off its vast stock of American dollars ($900 billion about) on the foreign markets, causing a plunge in the value of dollar. Spooky eh? Fortunately this won't happen, at least not at anytime in the near future. Why won't this happen? Because guess which nation is the number one export market for Chinese goods? That's right, America. China's astounding growth rates are fueled by its exports. If China dumps it's US currency reserves, the Chinese yuan rises meaning, goodbye 30% yearly growth in export markets and goodbye 11% yearly GDP growth. While China's economy is currently booming, a decline in growth--such as the one that would occur by selling off all of those dollars--would bring it crashing down. Poverty is still widespread in China and infrastructure is nowhere near adequate levels. China cannot afford to destroy its growth rates since economic growth is basically the only thing holding the country together. In essence, while the American markets would certainly by hurt by China's "nuclear option," for the growing Chinese market it would be a disaster.

Daily Telegraph
CNN Money

4 out of 5 kids prefer it!

The vast majority of children given a choice between two identical food items are more likely to say the one in a McDonald's wrapper tastes better.

This is why I'm going into advertising. It's like selling candy to babies . . . literally.

Yo I'm outta cash, let's stop by that church right quick

"Is that an ATM in the church lobby? Credit and debit card swipe machines in churches may startle some of the pious, but such kiosks, already present in some houses of worship, might become even more commonplace now that a new IRS regulation is in effect." - Time

Midas Touch

It's was a long weekend of moving that has led into a few days of calm before it's back to DC and then out of the country. Posting may be slow(er than usual) for the next week or two as I still have no idea what my living situation in Brussels will be. Anyways, here's a Skittles commercial!

Hypothetical questions are a bad idea

A recent John Dickerson piece in Slate argues the merits of Barack Obama's willingness to answer hypothetical questions:

"Fortunately, one candidate is answering hypotheticals. For the last two weeks, the Democratic political conversation has been consumed with hypothetical questions. Last week, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton engaged in a multiday set-to over whether they would meet with nasty dictators. This week, Barack Obama doubled down on hypotheticals by raising his own hypothetical situation in his sweeping speech on foreign policy. If he found actionable intelligence about al-Qaida leaders hiding out in the mountains of Pakistan, he said he would send in troops whether the Pakistani government liked it or not. When asked the next day about using nuclear weapons in Afghanistan and Pakistan, he said he never would use them."

Contrary to Dickerson, this guy is under the impression that answering hypotheticals is pointless at best and poor political strategy at worst. The entire notion of hypothetical questions is that they are based in speculation surrounding highly incomplete information. Providing absolute answers to hypothetical questions is inherently flawed as anyone could think of countless nuanced scenarios in which lines of absolutism are blurred. Answering these questions leave candidates tied to a position that can be assailed on all sides--I can't believe they would/wouldn't do that!--as the situations posed in the questions aren't real. And guess what? This is exactly what's happening to Obama.

Tidbits

• The Carlos Tevez legal debacle is finally over! Glory! Glory! Man. United!
• YouTube's own wine guru
• The soap commercials of Ingmar Bergman
• Ikea the hostel?
• Surprise! Next stop, Iraq!
  

Mob of 100 people randomly chasing strangers

It's 8:00 am and for some reason I'm awake. This is the only reason I'm ok with that.

Sean Penn = Terrorist

"CARACAS, Venezuela - Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has praised Sean Penn for his critical stance against the war in Iraq, saying the two chatted by phone and soon plan to meet in person. 'Welcome to Venezuela, Mr. Penn. What drives him is consciousness, the search for new paths,' Chavez said Wednesday in a televised speech."

Sean Penn praised by Venezuela's Chavez.

9-year old signed to Manchester United

A 9-year old British kid, living in Australia at the time, has been signed to Manchester United after his grandpa sent the club this footage showcasing his skill. Apparently around 40 kids a year are signed by the club, but this is the first to be signed based on the popularity of his YouTube video. Regardless, I wouldn't want to be the opposing coach in this kids league.

The youth of Russia

Check out Edward Lucas', British journalist covering eastern Europe for the likes of the Economist, piece "Sex for the motherland: Russian youths encouraged to procreate at camp" in The Daily Mail. The title is scandalous and is only briefly connected to the piece as a whole. However, Lucas' reporting on Russia's pro-Putin youth movements equally as distressing. The more I follow the state of Russian society, the more I find myself wary of the so-called democratic transitions that have taken place since the fall of communism. Are we moving towards new cold war? Hard to say, but the future of cooperation between Russia and the West is looking less and less bright with each passing day.

Shark Week!

If you didn't already know--shame on you--it's Shark Week! America's version of the Tour de France, except sharks don't need 'roids to win. Turn on the Discovery Channel now.

Iraq vs. The Killer Badgers

What can be said about this one? Rumors persist in the Iraqi city of Basara that the British Army has introduced killer badgers into their environment in order to wreck havoc and destruction. And for the kicker, the Brits threw some poisonous snakes in the water supply and released rabies infected dogs. Even Iran is getting in on this action, claiming to have captured several squirrels equipped with foreign spy technology.

Obama's Achilles Heel

In a piece on Slate posted yesterday, John Dickerson delves into the Achilles Heel of the Barack Obama campaign, inexperience. I for one am rather skeptical of Mr. Obama's attempts to overshadow his relative lack of both international and executive experience with his claims of bringing change to the White House. So far, he appears to be basing the brunt of his campaign against Hillary Clinton, focusing on her vote for authorization of the Iraq War in contrast to his continual opposition to the conflict. Yet the facts that he wasn't faced with a vote on war authorization and that in his time in the Senate he has been able to position himself as a leader against the war--or on any foreign policy issue for that matter--leaves something to be desired. As Dickerson's piece points out, recent history contains a series of presidents with little to no foreign policy experience: Bush, Clinton, and Kennedy specifically. However, as the piece also points out, foreign policy created sticky situations for those presidents. Many of which we continue to suffer the consequences of.

Nu-Gaze!

Winner of the most best musical analysis of a revival movement thus far in 2007 goes to Jude Rogers "Diamond Gazers," piece about the new-wave of shoegaze--nu-gaze?!--bands!:

"At the start of summer 2007 a supple, shimmery thread started darning itself through a long line of euphoric-sounding albums. From Maps to Blonde Redhead, Mahogany to Deerhunter, Asobi Seksu to Ulrich Schnauss, you could hear the heady, woozy influence of a style of music that had been a byword for naffness and overindulgence for the past 15 years; a type of music that Richey Edwards of the Manic Street Preachers had said he "hated more than Hitler". Names like nu-gaze, stargaze and shoetronica were used to describe it, names that couldn't quite hide the scene that dared not speak its name. For shoegazing was back - the sound of jangly indie fed through layers of distortion, overdrive and fuzz; of delicate souls turning themselves up to 11. In Summer 2007, bands, clubs, Mercury prize-nominated albums, films, and novels are all proud to claim it as an inspiration."

People still like shoegaze? People still hate shoegaze? People still don't know what shoegaze is? Amazing!

The Cameraman's Revenge

Yesterday Nina brought to my attention the work of Ladislas Starevich a Polish, Russian, and French stop motion animator from the early 1900s. Starevich tended to use insects and animals as his protagonists and is credited with being the first filmmaker to make animated films with actual plots. The Cameraman's Revenge (1912) is a story of infidelity among insects and is a prime example of his bizarre and often darkly amusing work.

Wes Anderson strikes again

Here's the trailer for the upcoming Wes Anderson film The Darjeeling Limited. Anderson co-wrote the flic with Roman Coppola and Jason Schwartzman, and it stars a familiar cast of characters including Schwartzman, Owen Wilson, and Anjelica Housto. Also, Adrien Brody is coming along for the ride this time. The film also includes guest appearances by the familiar Billy Murry and Natalie Portman as well.

Thanks to Ace over at Oh Stewardess, I Speak Jive!

News: Straight to you dome pice

• All the groceries you want at the touch of your finger!
• Organic foods are increasingly coming from China, and like exploding cellphones they're probably shady
• The 12 kinds of ads
• Law that imposes penalties on landlords of illegal immigrants and businesses that hire them stuck down
  

Fat in the USA

Take an obesity tour of the USA with Sanjay Gupta's Great American Obesity map! It's kind of like a presidential election map, except ya know, with fatties.

Carlsberg and mentos

A great Carlsberg spoof ad to start off your day. Yes, I know 1:30pm is the start of you day.

Road trip!

Relief from high gas prices may be on the way as "experts" say the worst of the recent gas woes are over. Barring any hurricanes or explosions of course, the two Achilles' heels of American life:

"We still have a hairy five weeks to go where something could go wrong, but wholesale prices for unfinished gasoline in California have dropped 26 cents since July 10. Barring a hurricane in the Gulf [of Mexico], it looks like the worst is over, said Tom Kloza, chief analyst for the Oil Price Information Service in New Jersey."

Romney vs. The Ocean

This has to be the worst campaign commercial of 2007 thus far. At least Gravel's were endearing.

In Libya you can buy your way out of prison!

After 8 years in captivity, 4 of them on death row, 5 Bulgarian nurses and a Palestinian doctor were released by the Libyan government. The 6 were accused of purposefully infecting over 400 children with HIV as part of a joint American and Israeli intelligence operation to destabilize the Libyan state. The most outrageous part of this story? The EU is paying over $400 million and numerous member states relieved Libyan debt in order to free these prisoners. In essence, Libya is being rewarded for hostage taking.

News: Straight to your dome piece

• The Tevez saga continues
• Now it's $5.09 for a latte
  
• Jesus dolls now available at Wal-Mart!
• Obama has to step up his game--get black people to vote for him--if he wants a shot at the big time
• Sorry Taiwan, only one China allowed
• William Kristol fails to realize that success is actually the antonym of failure
  

Back in OH-HI-OH

A long day of traveling. Back to life on Monday. Here's some White Town.

11 Shootings. 1 Night.

Back in DC for a few. Looks like the people still love their guns.

Whatcha gonna do about it

Here's a favorite of mine from The Small Faces:

Red Bull

The latest issue of Wired goes inside a can of Red Bull to tell us what exactly is inside. In a complete shock to this guy, it turns out that Red Bull probably isn't going to kill anyone anytime soon. In fact, most of the ingredients listed have some sort of positive benefit to human health though probably not in the levels found in one can.
What's Inside: Red Bull

Don't worry. We got that shit

Over the weekend Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki responded to the latest White House report on progress in Iraq, stating: “We say with confidence that we are capable, God willing, of taking full responsibility for the security file if the international forces withdraw in any time they wish.” Based on the NYT reporting of the story, I'm not so sure:

Iraq Chief Says His Forces Are Able to Secure Country

What about a human limb?

Need a blender that that blend an IPhone? Blendtec has got you covered.

EUTube

EUTube, the official YouTube space of the European Commission wants you to know that when your hanging at the beach and grandma calls you to tell you grandpa broke his hip your mobile roaming charges will be reasonable no matter what EU country you're in!


That and European people love doing it.

Beckham's glory years

So Beckham is in LA. Savior of soccer in the USA? Doubt it. This guys just hoping for some hilarious trick plays.

Hugs not guns

An attempted robbery of a family enjoying dinner at their Capitol Hill home the past week took an odd turn of events when as opposed to taking the money and running the would be robber took a brief wine tasting and round of group hugs.

Nerds are cool!

The NYT reports that all the cool kids want to be librarians. Tattoos and the dewey decimal system, rad!

I hate pandas

Over the past 13-weeks my home metro area DC has been waiting with baited breath to find out if it's female panda Mei Xiang is pregnant. Panda's apparently are notoriously difficult to accurately diagnose pregnancy in. As it turns, out it was all a false alarm, the 4th false alarm for Mei Xiang. As female pandas only ovulate once it year, we'll now be spared about 40-weeks until this nonsense comes up again. I say nonsense b/c pandas have to be one of the least impressive creatures on the face of the earth. With only 1,800 left on earth they're clearly too stupid to continue to live. This is probably due to the fact that 99% of their diet consists of bamboo, a food that they can barely digest and offers little energy or nutrition to them. Correspondingly, pandas are extremely lazy. For this, American zoos pay China--owner of every single panda in the world--$2 million a year as part of 10-year contracts to put the animals on display. As "living fossils" they've had a long run, it's time to let them out into the wild and let nature take its course.

Sorry for laughing

Top Picks of the Weekend for Summer Heat Madness:
1. Live Free or Die Hard
2. Krzysztof Kiewlowski double feature of Camera Buff & A Short Film About Killing
3. Ridley Scott's Blade Runner
4. Jan Svankmajer's Alice

As you can tell, I spent a lot of time indoors this past weekend. Though this is likely a good thing as after the Die Hard experience I probably would've over exhausted myself crashing cars into helicopters.

Here's some Josef K:

WTF: Exploding cellphones

The International Herald Tribune is reporting that we can now add cellphones to the list of scary ass things from China that will probably kill us all. In some Spy vs. Spy time nonsense a 22-year old man in western China was killed when his cellphone exploded in his shirt pocket. I was cool with bootleg DVDs, poison pet food, and lead paint tainted children's toys, these things happen, but when electronic objects that are made to be held up to your head start exploding I have to draw the line. I'm starting to suspect some sort of plot by the Chinese government to kill international competition through the use of exploding PDAs.

Gore gone wild

Former Vice President Al Gore's son, Al Gore III, was arrested in Southern California on early Thursday morning after being pulled over for pulling some 2 Fast 2 Furious type stunts on the San Diego Freeway in his Toyota Prius. Upon smelling marijuana the deputy that pulled Gore over searched the car and found a hodgepodge of unprescribed pills ranging from Vicodin to Adderall.

Now for the weird part of this story:
"More than 10 hours after his arrest on drug charges, the younger Gore remained in a Southern California jail because no one had showed up to post his $20,000 bail."

A spokesman for the Orange County Sheriff's Department noted that it "seemed unusual" that the young Gore remained in jail. If anyone out there wants to help out Gore III, the NYT piece on the arrest points out that: "The sheriff’s department accepts personal checks and credit cards."

Poverty = terrorism?

An upcoming book by Princeton economist Alan Krueger argues that perpetrators of terrorism are more likely to be upper class and well educated as poor and uneducated:

"Backgrounds of 148 Palestinian suicide bombers show they were less likely to come from families living in poverty and were more likely to have finished high school than the general population. Biographies of 129 Hezbollah shahids (martyrs) reveal they, too, are less likely to be from poor families than the Lebanese population from which they come."

Most studies regarding the links between poverty and terrorism are only in the initial stages. However, early indicators appear to show that conventional wisdom doesn't quite add up in this case.

Yet another reason why I hate DC

Candyvan is calling you out Mayor Fenty for ordering your aides to return the iPhones they jumped the line to get on Friday at the downtown DC Apple Store. After awarding your staff the haterific award for the day, I now have to rescind that award. As my grandfather would say, "show a little leadership!" Fenty and stick to your guns. You don't get anywhere in the world by having aides ignore lines and flip people off only to turn tail and give back the goods when the heat is on. That's not haterism, that's flip-flopping.

Bong Hits 4 Jesus: The Game!

Proving that learning can be fun, an online "game" from Students for Sensible Drug Policy to test how well you'd do as a high school principal in understanding constitutional law on student free speech when it comes to drug policy.

Sunday Ad Special Part II

This latest campaign from the New South Wales Roads and Traffic Authority plays on a man's love of the ladies and love of speed, tugging at the heartstrings Australia.

Sunday Ad Special

It being Sunday and all I've found some time for one of my favorite Sunday activities, catching up on new advertising!

Here's a Cannes award winner from TBWA Paris for Amnesty International:

Yet another reason why I love DC

Unlike mayors of other cities--looking in your direction Philly--DC's Adrian Fenty, an Oberlin alum, sent forth his most haterific aides to jump the line and get him a few of those newfangled iPhones. My favorite part about this story being when an onlooker challenged Fenty's man to"fix the schools first," Fenty's elite hater corps member flipped the man the bird and sneered "there's only 15 left." This is why I love DC.

Somebody has to make all those violins

For the past week Oberlin has been invaded by dozens upon dozens of campers, from soccer camps, to baroque music camps, to Scottish arts camps. Basically what this means a combination of things, one being that sitting in my office--always the wrong office--I'm barraged by lost children who make random requests that I have no business helping them with; the other being that there are bagpipe sounds coming from everywhere.

Fortunately, last night I had the good fortune of stumbling upon a yearly conference of violin and violin bow makers. I was attracted to this even based upon the sheer level of ruckus they were causing from Tank, more commotion than the hardcore/folk punk show--which they later ended up attending--was turning out. Some of us decided to walk over to see what all of the fuss was about and discovered a porch laden with smashed violin pieces, boozed up craftsmen from across the globe, and a badminton court with the racquets replaced with violins. That's right, badminton played with actual violins as racquets. After playing a few matches with our inebriated hosts we extended in invite to come get their ho-down across the street to a folk-punk band from Minneapolis (where else?). All-in-all the night proved yet again that the kids and the grown ups all love to get wasted and dance to some fiddlin.

Stronger

What with democratic debates at Howard and attempted car bombs causing chaos in London what we all need now is a hot summer jam. You pretty much can't go wrong with Daft Punk and when you have someone who's made his whole career off of making beats that are basically just the original song you have a great combination for a summer hit:

Summer slow jam!

I recently discovered that summer has officially begun! Thus it's time to bring you blazin' hot summer jams! The first installment in this series is from Ms. Mariah Carey with her slow jam classic "Always Be My Baby." Kickin' it off slow so nobody gets heatstroke.

Time to diversify your stash

Economist.com has published "Highs and Lows: An alternative annual report on the drug industry," and it looks likes sales are down for fiscal year 2007!

"As troubling for the industry, many consumers in the extremely important American market are turning up their noses at cocaine. By 2005 cocaine use in America was down to 2.3% of the general population, more than 50% lower than the rate two decades ago."

Supply chain problems are increasing as regulatory agencies tighten their grip on industries across the board. Soon, organizations may need to diversify their holdings in order to turn a profit. Market analysis indicates that, "other forms of contraband such as cigarettes, pharmaceutical drugs, endangered animals, or human slaves," are ripe for diversification by firms with established infrastructure and competitive advantage.

Our Love to Admire - Initial Impressions

On first listen, the "Our Love to Admire" is a synthesis of Interpol's previous output. It fits somewhere in the middle of the atmospheric gloom of "Turn On the Bright Lights" and the more straightforward groove pacing of "Antics." There a few tracks that lean heavily on an orchestral sound--Pioneer to the Falls in particular--and a few that rely on anxious pacing such as the 1st single The Heinrich Maneuver. Nothing has really blown my mind thus far, but I have a feeling this is the kind of album to grow on me and all-in-all this guy is satisfied.

Hater of the Day: Girl Talk

According to MTV, Greg Gillis--the sweaty, shirtless, laptop partier that is Girl Talk--is suspicious of artists in the rap community biting his style. Most specifically Kanye West:

"I've opened for Kanye this year in Vegas ... and I'm sure he showed up a second before he had to play and didn't see me or know I was playing, but you have to wonder about [the similarities]," he told MTV News hours before rocking the stage at at Bonnaroo. "Because no one has gotten back to me with positive support, but I've played in the same building as so many celebrities, and [2006's Night Ripper has] gotten around enough that I'd think you'd probably hear it."

Reality check Gillis, you bit your style from any 1990s Friday night party DJ on any random local top-40 hits radio station. Basically you are the reincarnation of the 60-minute-mega-party-mix. To try to insinuate a claim to originality b/c other artists sound similar to you is laughable at best. This is why I can't respect mash-up artists.

Our Love to Admire

The latest Intepol album "Our Love to Admire" has made it's way onto the internet. The rest of this guys afternoon will be spent checking it out with a Great Lakes sampler pack. Initial impressions soon to follow.

Oldest = Smartest

According to a recent article by the NYT, first-born children have been shown to have higher IQs than their younger siblings.

The average difference in I.Q. was slight — three points higher in the eldest child than in the closest sibling — but significant, the researchers said. And they said the results made it clear that it was due to family dynamics, not to biological factors like prenatal environment...Three points on an I.Q. test may not sound like much. But experts say it can be a tipping point for some people — the difference between a high B average and a low A, for instance. That, in turn, can have a cumulative effect that could mean the difference between admission to an elite private liberal-arts college and a less exclusive public one.

The study, undertaken by a team of Norwegian epidemiologists also indicates that middle children whose older siblings die gain the benefit of increased IQ in becoming the new eldest. So far all of you middle children out there trying to get into Harvard maybe your best bet is if your older sibling has an "accident."

The Vermillion Festival of the Fish

This past weekend Nina and I attended the Vermillion Ohio Festival of the Fish. While generally a wholesome event with fun for the whole family there are just a few points that should be addressed for festivals in the future:

1. As far as I can tell the primary purpose of this festival was to raise the self-esteem of the local girls by including just about every one of them as a pageant queen or princess. I may not know a whole lot about pageants myself, but the last I checked there was supposed to be some level of competition involved in the process. As the festival's site notes:
"On Friday young girls vie for the coveted title of princess or queen in one of the largest festival pageants in the county."
The key phrase in that sentence being "vie" but as far as I can tell they weren't vying nearly hard enough as almost every girl I saw was in a prom dress with a sash touting their mystique as "Ms. Lorain Bean Curd Factory" or "Princess 2007 - Joe's Firewood Shack." With so many winners the whole event became absolutely boring. All I'm going to say is no one was glaring and nobody got tripped on stage.

2. The annual Firefighters Waterfight. Sounds like a great idea in theory right? Firefighters go all out by turning there high-powered hoses on one another with the last man standing after the onslaught declared the victor. However, this "long-standing" tradition actually involved a bucket hanging from a rope elevated over the street towards which teams of firegihters sprayed their hoses in an attempt to push the bucket across the line to their opponents side. Kind of like tug of war, except in reverse and more reminiscent of civil rights marches in the south.

3. Speaking of which, I've noted this time and time again, note to Ohio: You were NEVER part of the Confederacy. Hell there's a whole book about Oberlin being the town that started the Civil War. I know you guys might not like black people, and the government is totally trying to hold you down, but let's not get it confused, waving confederate flags around and talking about protecting your heritage doesn't make sense. Why? Because it's not your heritage. This makes about as much sense as me wearing a Canadian flag t-shirt around all the time and talking about how proud I am of Wayne Gretzky. Trust me, I live in Virginia where I can often be found driving down Jefferson Davis Memorial Highway--which remains baffling to me still, but that's for another day--don't do yourselves a disservice by pretending to be something you aren't.

Take these changes into mind Vermillion and we'll be back next year. Oh and be sure to add more catfish stands. Shit was dope.

D.A.N.C.E.

So I've been "house sitting" (trying to make sure the neighbors don't see me in the house that Nina is house sitting) for the past few days. This involves a cat named Mr. Tangey who never comes out from under the bed, a disturbing amount of half-eaten food left by the owners scattered throughout the kitchen (like we're talking spoiled mayo and a dozen open jars of olives here), and an even more disturbing lack of internet access. This means that posts will probably be intermittent for the next few days (weeks?). Not that it matters since I'm pretty sure only AC reads this (note: AC I'm not dead). In the meantime though you should read AC's blog (which you should be doing anyway b/c he is unemployed and lives in the middle of nowhere). When I can find a steady connection I promise to regale you with stories of: Juneteenth, the Vermillion Fish Festival, and why Arnold Swarchenegger is actually right about something.

Catch you on the flip.

Hippies and Crystals

Time to kick back and see what The History Channel has to say about my arch-enemies: Hippies.
Go out and get your summer on kids. To get your night started I'll leave you with a video from the most partyrific dude to rock the Baltimore scene in years, Mr. Dan Deacon:

The Reproduction of Two Rocks

Madrid's Publicis Lado C ad firm has come up with a spot for Renault Megane that brings hazardous road conditions to a point of no return. Watch out for those reproducing rocks.

Collect Call from Hamas

What with the ongoing chaos that is the Gaza strip I'm glad that someone out there is throwing some humor into the mix:

"Reuters reported that one of the (Hamas) fighters picked up the phone and jokingly pretended to be speaking with the U.S. secretary of state saying: 'Hello Condoleezza Rice. You have to deal with me now, there is no Abu Mazen anymore.'"

That's some straight hater shit right there. Though upon wading through the haterism one finds a glimmer of truth in all of it. The international community certainly hasn't improved the situation by choosing to ignore the elected Palestinian government. Refusing to recognize Hamas as the legitimate government has done little to lessen their radicalism (Is anyone really surprised by this?). Marginalizing Hamas serves only to increase violence. Perhaps its the time to actually recognize Hamas and actually involve it in the governing process in which tasks other than suicide bombings and street fighting have to take place. Elections don't always work out the way we'd like them to, but ignoring them never does.

Mission Statement

It's summertime. Life is easy. News is rampant.
*Breaking News!*
4 of 6 Computers Back On Line On Space Station
See what I mean?

Time to bring back this blogging project. I'll keep this short and sweet.

Mission Statement
Candyvan is all about reaching into that mixed grab bag that is modern media and pulling out the choice bits so you don't have to get all scratched up by the razorblades that may be lurking at the bottom.

Got it? Good.

Here We Go Again

Bringing it back soon. In the meantime ponder the exercise in duration that is one of my favorite pieces of avant-garde cinema: Michael Snow's Wavelength.