Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Hindsight is 20/20

My favorite prediction from "The 10 Worst Predictions for 2008":

“[A]nyone who says we’re in a recession, or heading into one—especially the worst one since the Great Depression—is making up his own private definition of ‘recession.’” —Donald Luskin


Monday, December 22, 2008

Some Holiday Reading Material

Well the end of 2008 is upon us which of course means a bevy of "Best of Lists" to fill-up the remainder of the holiday (read: phoning it in) season. My favorite thus far has been Conor Friedersdorf's "Best of Journalism 2008". From more than you ever needed to know about elevators to the intersection of B'more drug dealers and white supremacist legal theory, Friedersdorf maps out the esoteric landscape of media coverage that was 2008.


Wednesday, December 03, 2008

DC Turns into a Real City for the Night

Good news DC. Inauguration Night 2009, last call shifts to 5 a.m., because it's not like you were going to be able to make it back home anyway.

Yes We Can ... Drink til 5 a.m.!

"Big Daddy" Takes Georgia (Hide Your Childrens)

Saxby Chambliss Wins Georgia Senate Runoff [NYT]

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Burn! Baby! Burn!

Looks like some folks are jumping the gun on the whole 'burning your car for warmth' heating system we're all going to be using this winter. Maybe their using the insurance money they've gained from burning the first car to buy more cars to burn?

[Washington Post]

Tuesday, October 07, 2008


Do yourself a favor an read this old school Noreaga interview. I would attempt to give you a description of why it's so amazing, but honestly you'll figure it out by the first paragraph.

[Cocaine Blunts]

Saturday, October 04, 2008

New York(er) Makes Its Choice

This doesn't really come as a surprise--big understatement or biggest understatement?--but The New Yorker has issued its editorial endorsement of Barack Obama. It's quite a wordy piece, but it is well worth reading as a a summation of the issues, qualities, and character traits that the American people are going to be making their judgments on this November, and why Obama--over McCain--is suited to lead our country for the next 4-years.

[The New Yorker]

Friday, October 03, 2008

Fishy Finances

Prison culture will soon spread into the the mainstream again--and not just because our future hovel apartments will look like cells--as fish will become the currency of choice, displacing the declining dollar. As your financial adviser in this "new economy", I strongly urge you to convert all of your assets into Mackerel.


Thursday, October 02, 2008

Basket Teenagers

I cannot believe this actually happening. What with our impending economic destruction and all, people are actually just giving away their children?!?!? These young people are going to be valuable agents in our new world economy when their nimble little fingers will prove essential in catching the rats that are to soon make up our primary food source.

Plus, when the machines break down in the factories of our Chinese overlords, who else is going to be able to climb into the gears?


Sunday, August 31, 2008

Governor McAuliffe?

It's been a busy week so I ended up missing this piece of Virginia political speculation until now:

Terry McAuliffe, a former chairman of the Democratic National Committee and a key adviser to Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.), is considering running for governor of Virginia next year.

With Del. Brian J. Moran and Sen. R. Creigh Deeds as the only two announced candidates for the spot thus far, McAuliffe certainly adds a bit of Democratic star power to the race. Though, the best quote surrounding the possible bid thus far comes from Tucker Martin, a spokesman for current Attorney General--and likely Republican nomination candidate--Robert F. McDonnell:

Terry McAuliffe doesn't know Norton from Norfolk. If he runs, remind me to send him a Virginia state map.

Democratic Consultant McAuliffe Weighs Run for Governor

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

This is Bad

Disturbing news today on the local front:

"A 19-year-old man suspected of killing a Prince George's County police officer was strangled in the county jail two days after his arrest, the state medical examiner's office concluded yesterday.

Ronnie L. White, who was found unresponsive Sunday morning, died of asphyxiation, and two small bones in his neck were broken, according to preliminary autopsy findings. County officials said he was separated from other inmates; only seven guards and an undisclosed number of supervisors had access to the area where White was held."

I don't even know what to say about this situation beyond: this is only going to get worse before it gets any better.

Suspect in Md. Officer's Death Was Strangled

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Dr. No

Barack Obama: SPECTRE member, able to crush stone into powder. How can you stop that?!

Terrorist Fist Bumps for Everybody!

Not you too Mac! Not you too!
New York Magazine

Not Alex

John McCain, baby thief?

Terminator 3: The Rise of Clinton

Bob Beckel, former manager of Walter Mondale's 1984 presidential campaign (that worked out well eh?), argues that Hillary Clinton is the no-brainer choice for Obama's VP nod. People who don't support the idea are just straight up haters since Hillary's iron fist clench on success will assure victory. Best line:

"If you are elected Senator, so the charge goes, the Clintons will be constant problems for you. Hillary will promote her own agenda and Bill will wander the West Wing subverting your presidency. Absurd."

It's Not Even Close: Obama Should Pick Clinton for VP

Green up America

Obama called McCain's proposed $300 million prize for a new electric car battery a "bounty" for some "rocket scientist to win." McCain's plan for greening up America: electric wizardry and drilling for more oil. MAVERICK!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Girl Talk pt. DUDE!

Girl Talk (aka Greg Gillis) is back at it again. Filled with samples of questionable legality, this time the nicest rascal on the block is allowing you to name your price and save. Dope!
Girl Talk - Feed the Animals LP

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Monday, June 09, 2008

Summer Treat

This has to be the most exciting summer treat ever--which is saying a lot considering there's no booze in it (call the scientists!).

Ice Cream Cupcakes

Euro 2008 Update

The Dutch boys in Orange are currently crushing Italy 3-0. With the best goals of the tourney thus far and 90 minutes of open attacking football the Dutch are looking like they've got something to prove this year. Why play D when your opponents can't score. Totally sick.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Beautiful Bits of Summer in DC

1. Euro 2008 Finals

2. A free tasting of the last keg ever (in the world) of Hurlimann Samichlaus at Brasserie Beck

3. Summer patios . . . for every meal

4. 3 am loud, drunk, ex-military, tattoo artists with Prodigy haircuts on the Metro

5. On the Red Line:

Tourist girl, loudly: "Hey! Where's that tall pointy thing?!" (looks at metro map) "Oh, Smith Stadium!"
Friend: ".....Smithsonian."
Tourist girl: "Does this thing go to New York City?"

Friday, May 16, 2008

Monday, May 12, 2008

Johnny's Mom

This video literally made me speechless. So many questions:

What the hell is noon happy hour? 27 bottles of scotch? There's someone older than John McCain?! Is it really Skeletor's mom?

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Byron Crawford blows it up

And it’s not like he has to sweat losing the black community at this point. He’s got them (us?) in his back pocket on a level I wasn’t even aware was possible. Pimps don’t have this control over their whores. Never mind throwing his pastor under a bus; Barack Obama could shoot a black baby in its face on live TV, and black people would be like, “Well, maybe that’s what he needed to do to win the election. Let the nigga get in office first and see if he’s still shooting children.” That’s how ridiculous this shit has gotten.


Saturday, April 05, 2008

Smoking bans kill

According to researchers from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, counties that have instituted bans on smoking indoors have experienced dramatic increases in the levels of drunk driving and drunk driving deaths. Apparently drunk smokers are hopping into their cars to drink in outdoor bars or to adjacent counties without smoking bans. The bottle opener/lighter combination that the dealer for my first car gave me must be catching on.

The researchers analysed data from 120 American counties, 20 of which had banned smoking. They found a smoking ban increased fatal alcohol-related car accidents by 13% in a typical county containing 680,000 people. This is the equivalent of 2.5 fatal accidents (equivalent to approximately six deaths). Furthermore, drunk-driving smokers have not changed their ways over time. In areas where the ban has been in place for longer than 18 months, the increased accident rate is 19%.

I'm curios as to what percentage of accidents are being caused by drunk drivers dropping their car cigarette lighters in their laps? But let's look on the bright side! Smokers are now doing more to improve the costs of healthcare for everyone else, by killing people off before they get sick.

Unlucky Strikes

Thursday, April 03, 2008

OMG! Kids have money, love text messaging

A spat of upcoming ad campaigns, including Degree deodorant for teen girl's "OMG! Moments," are going to feature text-messaging slang marketed at the youth of America. Since parents clearly don't understand what the hell their kids are talking about these days anyway (note the success of Juno: "They talk so funny!"), companies figure that they might as well go straight to the source and try to stay fresh and fly with the kids. Are kids still saying fresh and fly?

"We wanted to show the teens that we understand them and know how they communicate with their friends," says David Lang, president of WPP Group's MindShare Entertainment, which created the print, TV and online effort.

Marketers Try to Be 'Kewl' With Text-Message Lingo

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Nerds (ruining the fun for everybody)

Two brave citizens have mounted a legal campaign to prevent nerds and their particle physics toys from destroying the earth in a black hole fueled apocalypse. Global warming can hop on the back burner for this shit.

Walter L. Wagner and Luis Sancho contend that scientists at the European Center for Nuclear Research, or CERN, have played down the chances that the collider could produce, among other horrors, a tiny black hole, which, they say, could eat the Earth. Or it could spit out something called a “strangelet” that would convert our planet to a shrunken dense dead lump of something called “strange matter.”

Kids love internet, hate magazines

Looks like the inevitable pool of young talent for the magazine industry is drying up as the young people these days flock to that new fangled internet. Is this really surprising? Why spend hours researching and interviewing for a piece that just gets axed or edited beyond all recognition when you could, ya know, just hunt for sexual innuendo headlines on the NYT and Google pictures of dinosaur bongs. It's a recession, there's nothing out there for ya anyway.

Mr. Talese had definite opinions on the subject. 'These people don’t leave their fucking laptops,' he said. 'It used to be, you would go outside. It’s leaving home, getting on a plane or a bus or a bicycle, and going somewhere. It doesn’t mean you have a fixed interview. It’s hanging around.'

The Decline and Fall of the Writer