Friday, June 22, 2007

Oldest = Smartest

According to a recent article by the NYT, first-born children have been shown to have higher IQs than their younger siblings.

The average difference in I.Q. was slight — three points higher in the eldest child than in the closest sibling — but significant, the researchers said. And they said the results made it clear that it was due to family dynamics, not to biological factors like prenatal environment...Three points on an I.Q. test may not sound like much. But experts say it can be a tipping point for some people — the difference between a high B average and a low A, for instance. That, in turn, can have a cumulative effect that could mean the difference between admission to an elite private liberal-arts college and a less exclusive public one.


The study, undertaken by a team of Norwegian epidemiologists also indicates that middle children whose older siblings die gain the benefit of increased IQ in becoming the new eldest. So far all of you middle children out there trying to get into Harvard maybe your best bet is if your older sibling has an "accident."

The Vermillion Festival of the Fish

This past weekend Nina and I attended the Vermillion Ohio Festival of the Fish. While generally a wholesome event with fun for the whole family there are just a few points that should be addressed for festivals in the future:

1. As far as I can tell the primary purpose of this festival was to raise the self-esteem of the local girls by including just about every one of them as a pageant queen or princess. I may not know a whole lot about pageants myself, but the last I checked there was supposed to be some level of competition involved in the process. As the festival's site notes:

"On Friday young girls vie for the coveted title
of princess or queen in one of the largest festival pageants in the county."
The key phrase in that sentence being "vie" but as far as I can tell they weren't vying nearly hard enough as almost every girl I saw was in a prom dress with a sash touting their mystique as "Ms. Lorain Bean Curd Factory" or "Princess 2007 - Joe's Firewood Shack." With so many winners the whole event became absolutely boring. All I'm going to say is no one was glaring and nobody got tripped on stage.

2. The annual Firefighters Waterfight. Sounds like a great idea in theory right? Firefighters go all out by turning there high-powered hoses on one another with the last man standing after the onslaught declared the victor. However, this "long-standing" tradition actually involved a bucket hanging from a rope elevated over the street towards which teams of firegihters sprayed their hoses in an attempt to push the bucket across the line to their opponents side. Kind of like tug of war, except in reverse and more reminiscent of civil rights marches in the south.

3. Speaking of which, I've noted this time and time again, note to Ohio: You were NEVER part of the Confederacy. Hell there's a whole book about Oberlin being the town that started the Civil War. I know you guys might not like black people, and the government is totally trying to hold you down, but let's not get it confused, waving confederate flags around and talking about protecting your heritage doesn't make sense. Why? Because it's not your heritage. This makes about as much sense as me wearing a Canadian flag t-shirt around all the time and talking about how proud I am of Wayne Gretzky. Trust me, I live in Virginia where I can often be found driving down Jefferson Davis Memorial Highway--which remains baffling to me still, but that's for another day--don't do yourselves a disservice by pretending to be something you aren't.

Take these changes into mind Vermillion and we'll be back next year. Oh and be sure to add more catfish stands. Shit was dope.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

D.A.N.C.E.


So I've been "house sitting" (trying to make sure the neighbors don't see me in the house that Nina is house sitting) for the past few days. This involves a cat named Mr. Tangey who never comes out from under the bed, a disturbing amount of half-eaten food left by the owners scattered throughout the kitchen (like we're talking spoiled mayo and a dozen open jars of olives here), and an even more disturbing lack of internet access. This means that posts will probably be intermittent for the next few days (weeks?). Not that it matters since I'm pretty sure only AC reads this (note: AC I'm not dead). In the meantime though you should read AC's blog (which you should be doing anyway b/c he is unemployed and lives in the middle of nowhere). When I can find a steady connection I promise to regale you with stories of: Juneteenth, the Vermillion Fish Festival, and why Arnold Swarchenegger is actually right about something.

Catch you on the flip.


Friday, June 15, 2007

Hippies and Crystals

Time to kick back and see what The History Channel has to say about my arch-enemies: Hippies.
Go out and get your summer on kids. To get your night started I'll leave you with a video from the most partyrific dude to rock the Baltimore scene in years, Mr. Dan Deacon:

The Reproduction of Two Rocks

Madrid's Publicis Lado C ad firm has come up with a spot for Renault Megane that brings hazardous road conditions to a point of no return. Watch out for those reproducing rocks.

Collect Call from Hamas

What with the ongoing chaos that is the Gaza strip I'm glad that someone out there is throwing some humor into the mix:

"Reuters reported that one of the (Hamas) fighters picked up the phone and jokingly pretended to be speaking with the U.S. secretary of state saying: 'Hello Condoleezza Rice. You have to deal with me now, there is no Abu Mazen anymore.'"

That's some straight hater shit right there. Though upon wading through the haterism one finds a glimmer of truth in all of it. The international community certainly hasn't improved the situation by choosing to ignore the elected Palestinian government. Refusing to recognize Hamas as the legitimate government has done little to lessen their radicalism (Is anyone really surprised by this?). Marginalizing Hamas serves only to increase violence. Perhaps its the time to actually recognize Hamas and actually involve it in the governing process in which tasks other than suicide bombings and street fighting have to take place. Elections don't always work out the way we'd like them to, but ignoring them never does.

Mission Statement

It's summertime. Life is easy. News is rampant.
*Breaking News!*
4 of 6 Computers Back On Line On Space Station
See what I mean?

Time to bring back this blogging project. I'll keep this short and sweet.

Mission Statement
Candyvan is all about reaching into that mixed grab bag that is modern media and pulling out the choice bits so you don't have to get all scratched up by the razorblades that may be lurking at the bottom.

Got it? Good.

Here We Go Again

Bringing it back soon. In the meantime ponder the exercise in duration that is one of my favorite pieces of avant-garde cinema: Michael Snow's Wavelength.

Monday, September 04, 2006

RIP Croc Hunter

Ok so Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter died from getting stung in the heart by a stingray. As sad as it is for anyone to die at such a young age, I can't say that we all didn't see this coming for a very long time. Also, fucking ay man, stung in the heart. I don't think you could go out in a more extreme way than that. I know who I'm drinking for tonight.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Does your chain hang low?



Jibbs has the late-summer jam on lock. In other news, the rundown on the weekend trip to Chicago:

Hip:
"Stoner Voice" ("Grab the wheeeelll duuuude"/"Whooooaaa Sluuuuts!")
DJ Battle in which DJ's weren't that nice but maintained hilarity through overuse of mouthed lyrics.
Accompanying hipset dj party with cast of characters including Theo, duo of bikini clad girls controlling the keg (dollar bills in the bikini strings included), and fashion dopplegangers
Babeasarus Rex's
Indiana rest stops*
Reckless Records
DJ Mavis
Gunner on the road

(* see babes)

Square:
3 people sleeping in Ace's tiny ass room
Sasha's berry wheat beer
Ace's mugging housemates
Chicago drivers
Dusty Groove Records

Friday, August 18, 2006

Snakes on a Plane . . .

Saw it about 12 hours ago after being totally late due to my flawed driving schemes and the theatre never having adequate directions. What to say . . . if you're reading this you're probably a friend of mine and thus will already be going to see this movie (otherwise I fail to see how we could possibly even speak).

I guess all I have to say is "wang biting."

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Dada Overheard

Note to Self: Buy 9-Year-Old-Girl Costume to Wear to Art Openings

9-year-old girl: Mommy, please can we leave? This doesn't even make any sense! It's stupid.
Mommy: Sweetie, it's not supposed to make sense. It's senseless art. They're making fun of real art.

--Dada exhibit, MoMA


via Overheard in New York, Aug 15, 2006

Sunday, August 13, 2006

This is the beat generation


Oberlin summer 2k6 dig this and dig it good.

Hip:
Surf-and-Turf BBQ
Bike-in-Movies/Cemetery Rides
Uncrowded Feve/Great Lakes
Ella Fitz
5 Across the Eyes House (projector, george the cat, friend's parent's basement appeal daddy-o)
Edmond T. Graville's 1961 classic "Beat Girl" starring Gillian Hills ("It's all so dreeeeaaary. I'm soooo boooooorrreed.")
Gunner

Square:
The constant threat of fleas

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Get Outta Here Jive Turkey


Just read this article in the NYT regarding the Ohio governor's race and the overreach of the new voter registration policies passed in May. Though I sincerely hope and expect Blackwell to crash-and-burn for his shady politicking of late clearly the true importance of the story is Mr. Jive Turkey Sr.:
"Backers of the new regulations say they were needed, pointing to the fake names that appeared on voter registration cards in 2004, like Jive Turkey Sr.
'The new regulations have everything to do with preventing Jive Turkeys from showing up on cards the way they did last time,' said John McClelland, a spokesman for the state Republican Party. 'They’ve got nothing to do with suppressing voter participation.' But elections experts and liberal grass-roots organizations say the new rules go too far."

The word is out Jive Turkeys! Stay away from the Ohio polls!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Pros/Cons

Pros:
Sasha back in town (one day only event)
John Baldessari works and the Francis Alys black box @ the Hirshorn
Art history is finished
Yankees win/Red Sox lose
House comes with a ton of dishes

Cons:
Art history final
Your heat is like a lovewave
Straight outta Lo-Cash
Rhino Bar = Wannabe Boston
Room is painted yellow (though Sasha says it's a good color)

Monday, July 31, 2006

Friday, July 21, 2006

Hippiecons

Wonkette had an amusing link to an interview with Ann Coulter regarding her love of The Grateful Dead. It's as if the hippies and the ultra-convsevatives have overcome their obvious hatred of one another solely for the purposes of haunting my dreams. . . hippiecons!

"People are often incorrectly surprised that there are a lot of conservative dead heads. I’d mentioned that in an interview, and actually on the ‘Tonight Show,’ that one of my friends — who was a fellow Deadhead — would get up in the morning, smoke a bowl, turn on Rush Limbaugh, and start making his candles for ‘Grateful Dead’ merchandising." - Ann Coulter

We See As Through A Mirror Darkly

Saw "A Scanner Darkly" the other day which, contrary to it's generally positive reviews (thanks metacritic.com), turned out to be horrifically convoluted and dramatically flawed. Perhaps the most blatant failure was Linklater's inability to portray the mental split between Bob Arctor and Agent Fred and the character's inability to distinguish between the his two personas. Because of this, throughout most of the film it appears that the Bob is entirely aware that he's playing the role of Fred and that Substance D, as opposed to causing and increasing incapability of combining the memories/knowledge of each persona, merely causes a generalized sense of confusion and psychosis. The viewer is left confused as to Bob's actions (why would he knowingly spy on his life and the life of his friends even after it's made clear to him that he's specifically is suspect?) without adequately revealing the critically specific effect Substance D is creating.

Added to this failure of dramatic emphasis is the fact that the overarching plot of the attempt to discover the manufacture of Substance D is presented at a point in the film well beyond it having any discernible effect on the events that, up until the last 10 minutes, had been the main focus of the plot. We're left sitting through 3/4th of the film waiting for the conflict between Reeves and Downey Jr. to come to a head yet when it does it's played of as a minor detail only to be replaced by a painfully underdeveloped "plot twist" of negligible relation to any previous conflictual issues.

Concurrently, the final revelation regarding the character Donna was meaningless as Linklater failed to portray her relationships with Frank in any but the most shallow of depths and thus created little emotional resonance regarding the betrayal. Surprises such as this are dramatic largely because they necessitate a fundamental alteration in the plot. Yet, this development could have been entirely stricken from the film and absolutely nothing regarding the endpoint of the plot for Arctor/Agent Fred would have to have been modified.

All-in-all, the ideas of "A Scanner Darkly" are fairly interesting and for the most part the performances are enjoyable. I can readily understand those who have had previous experience with the work in it's literary format to appreciate seeing it's cinematic development, but for those of us with little previous experience with the Philip K. Dick story, Linkalter's adaptation was a muddled disservice leaving us unnecessarily more confused then the drug addled minds of the characters within.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Happy Birthday America

Back in VA after large chunks of The Twilight Zone in marathon form, a New Orleans benefit show that almosst turned into a roof collapsing disaster in and of itself, Russian accents, sparks at the strangers with candy movie in chelsea,$5 milkshakes, a million billion trillion stars, numerous looks of confusion, ordering only beverages at restaurants, 45 minutes of gawking at the sheer absurdity of trying to softly massage a passed out person back to consciousness, and fireworks.

Glad to see NYC is just how I remembered it.